Monday, November 24, 2014

Dear Brothers

To my Black Brothers by blood and by spirit:

I wanted to let you know in case you didn't hear it today but I love you. You in your graduation cap, construction hat, hoodie, baseball cap. All the things you are and all the things you do, I love you.

There is a world that will tell you that you are not worthy of love or justice. There is a world that will tell you that your life has no value or worth. There is a world that will label you, judge you, call you names, tear you down - but I will fight that, because I love you. 

They will try to justify hurting you, they will try to explain away the injustice you will face, they will try to villanize you long after your gone - I will fight that too, because I love you. 

You are the original Kings. You may not sit on your throne here but there is one waiting for you. In the meantime, I will fight for you, I will lift you, I will hold you, I will love you, always. 

Thursday, November 6, 2014

You Tried and Failed: 5 Things to Know for Dating Me

1. COMPLIMENT MY MIND BEFORE MY LOOKS (some of you are struggling with this one)
Blame my grandmother. Ever since I was a little girl my grandmother would politely scold people who would comment on how cute or pretty I was. "Don't tell her that" she would say. Maybe because I spent every waking moment looking at myself in the mirror so the assumption she had was that I was already too into my looks, or maybe she understand that as a young woman I would constantly be judged on my looks and appearance, and for as long as she could control it, wanted my mind to be central as oppose to my body. I carry that with me today. Do I like being told how gorgeous and spectacular I look? Absolutely! Would a conversation on one of my many posts about street harassment, social justice, or identity politics leading to a compliment on how intelligent and interesting I am result in me wanting to potentially jump your metaphorical bone? Possibly/ (probably)

I have goals, dreams, and aspirations which don't include cooking dinner, having babies, or being arm candy. Yes, I do want a family one day. No, that is not all my life will be about. I love the work I do, I love challenging people, having difficult conversations, finding new and amazing ways to impact the world so that one day those babies I may or may not decide to have can live in a world a little better than the one I grew up in. So, dating me requires an understanding that my life will not revolve around my partner (nor should my partners life revolve around me) but rather there be a mutual exchange of support and understanding. I don't know what it is about being an educated career woman that seems to turn off folks but if you can't dig it you can keep it moving. I am being awesome and I need someone who wants to be awesome with me, not dull my awesomeness.

(yes that includes my dog)
My family has never...not EVER, been wrong about anyone I have ever dated. While they will let me learn and figure things out on my own, they are normally correct in their first impressions that a person makes (its like their super 6th sense). If I had listened to them more often I might have been saved from a couple heartaches but that being said as I get older my family's opinions on who I am partnered with is becoming more and more important. If you happen to meet my family 1. feel special and 2. be weary, they can be a judgmental bunch but it is only because they have my best interest at heart (also my dad is a gun owner and I am a daddy's girl- beware).

I was taught some fucked up shit about people and about myself by my family, society, media, church, etc. I refuse to do that to my children. I want to raise my children to be who they want and to be who they are without fear. I will throw a gender neutral baby shower and will raise my child to understand that gender norms and gender roles are socially constructed (and a bunch of bullshit I might add). I will teach my daughter, as I was taught, that her brain is her best asset and not her ASSset. I will teach my son about the dangers of being Black in America and show them both how to navigate the world with a level of consciousness that will probably surpass many of their peers. If I have a trans child or a gay child I will love them, hard, because I know that even in the 21st century the world will not love them, not that much anyway (but my children will be Black so the world won't really love them regardless of their sexuality or gender identity). I will read them poems by Rumi, listen to speeches by Malcolm X, watch documentaries on slavery, and sing them songs in Spanish. They will be woke, I will be woke, and I need you to be woke too.

Lastly, you cannot buy me. You can't buy my love, my happiness (or my forgiveness *cough cough*) but rather understand that the true measure of my joy will be in the laughs we share, the conversations we have, the struggles we might experience, and the growth of our partnership. Now, that being said I do love going out and having a good time (I'm a retired party animal but on occasion I still indulge) and certainly money does not hurt but it isn't everything. I want to live comfortably but I'll take happiness over comfort any day.

Now, let the courting begin! 
(yes, I said courting)