Tuesday, February 25, 2014

You're Partner Doesn't Know what You're Thinking

I've been having some interesting conversations with my friends lately, all who seem to be having a hard time getting what they want and need from their significant others. I have been blessed with a great partner who is invested in our relationships growth and the journey we are taking together but with that also comes areas that need improving. Growing up an only child I have developed my own habits and ways of doing things without necessarily considering other people. My partner is a little different and is very particular about certain things so, something that we have been working on over the past year is our communication, and whenever I get the chance I try to share some of the tools we use to continue to improve in that area.

First things first,


Not your momma, not your pastor, not your siblings (well maybe if you have a twin), and especially not your significant other. The key to communication is saying whats on your mind, no matter how stupid or insignificant you might think it is. Stop waiting for someone to ask you how you are feeling, doing, living... if you have thoughts to share just share them! (that being said there are times in a relationship where you should just keep your mouth shut) 

Secondly, that perfect proposal, valentines day surprise, birthday gift, spontaneous date that you are waiting for.... 


They will come when they come (or they wont, and thats okay too). I remember growing up thinking,  if I were a boy I would be the best boyfriend ever, I would do this...and this...and this... so on and so forth, and I only thought all of those things because as a young lady I was waiting for the surprises, gifts, and dance mob proposal to happen to me. Things will not be how you envision them (hopefully they will be better) but unless your partner finds your diary from 6th grade where you wrote about your dream wedding and the perfect date... stop waiting because they probably dont know you want it and have their own ideas about the way things should be.

In addition,

Communicating your wants and needs to your significant other and actually seeing them fulfilled isn't going to happen over night. My partner is still reminding me to close the cap on the soap and to put my shoes away when I get home, and I'm sure as tired as he is of reminding me (and as tired as I am of hearing it) he continues to remain patient and communicate.

Lastly, if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship, and you keep picking out thing after thing that you think is wrong with the person you are seeing, ask yourself two things:
  • is there actually something wrong with this person? (besides what Web MD told you about their psychological state)
  • or, am I making excuses so that I don't have to put in the work to develop a successful relationship?

... give it some time, energy, and enjoy the good. You never know... they just may be


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