Thursday, February 27, 2014

Code Words: Why Everyone Needs One

 My best friend and I like to think we are intelligent beautiful women, and due to our intelligence and beauty we have attracted an array of partners over the years. During college, it was easy to keep track of each other because we were on a small campus of about 3,000 students and everyone knew everybody's business and then some. Upon graduating we found ourselves back in our home towns/cities, miles away from each other, unable to really keep an eye out  during weekend bar hopping, happy hours and dates with the guy from work you know you shouldn't get involved with.

Initially we were really good about texting each other before venturing out for the evening. The conversations went something  like this

 me: hey what are you doing tonight?
her: going on a date with this guy I met.
me: what his name, first & last? where does he lives? does he have a Facebook? send me a picture? (and any other information she had gained that I needed to know)

Now, some of you may already do this (and if you don't you should). Maybe it is our paranoia that people in the world are crazy and one of us will get kidnapped one day, or both of us growing up as only children who now had someone to watch out for us. Whatever it may be, it was important that we kept each other safe and in an unfortunate incident would have answers as to where we were and who we were with. 

To take this a step further, I believe every person (no matter your gender or relationship status) should have a code word. If you need to make a phone call, send a quick text, even send a Facebook message to notify someone that you might not be in the safest situation. How would you do that without the person you are with knowing?

Now as we have gotten older and even further apart (distance-wise), my best friend and I have not been doing the best job in looking out for each other. She has never met my partner and I have no idea who she has been seeing but it is something that we will be getting back to soon enough. 

With the many instances of domestic violence, kidnapping, and assault in the news, its important to have someone, anyone who will know when you say, type, text "--insert word here--" it means... I'm in danger and I need help.

If you don't have anyone, I'll be your person (cough*cough* Grey's Anatomy anyone!?)

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

You're Partner Doesn't Know what You're Thinking

I've been having some interesting conversations with my friends lately, all who seem to be having a hard time getting what they want and need from their significant others. I have been blessed with a great partner who is invested in our relationships growth and the journey we are taking together but with that also comes areas that need improving. Growing up an only child I have developed my own habits and ways of doing things without necessarily considering other people. My partner is a little different and is very particular about certain things so, something that we have been working on over the past year is our communication, and whenever I get the chance I try to share some of the tools we use to continue to improve in that area.

First things first,


Not your momma, not your pastor, not your siblings (well maybe if you have a twin), and especially not your significant other. The key to communication is saying whats on your mind, no matter how stupid or insignificant you might think it is. Stop waiting for someone to ask you how you are feeling, doing, living... if you have thoughts to share just share them! (that being said there are times in a relationship where you should just keep your mouth shut) 

Secondly, that perfect proposal, valentines day surprise, birthday gift, spontaneous date that you are waiting for.... 


They will come when they come (or they wont, and thats okay too). I remember growing up thinking,  if I were a boy I would be the best boyfriend ever, I would do this...and this...and this... so on and so forth, and I only thought all of those things because as a young lady I was waiting for the surprises, gifts, and dance mob proposal to happen to me. Things will not be how you envision them (hopefully they will be better) but unless your partner finds your diary from 6th grade where you wrote about your dream wedding and the perfect date... stop waiting because they probably dont know you want it and have their own ideas about the way things should be.

In addition,

Communicating your wants and needs to your significant other and actually seeing them fulfilled isn't going to happen over night. My partner is still reminding me to close the cap on the soap and to put my shoes away when I get home, and I'm sure as tired as he is of reminding me (and as tired as I am of hearing it) he continues to remain patient and communicate.

Lastly, if you are in the beginning stages of a relationship, and you keep picking out thing after thing that you think is wrong with the person you are seeing, ask yourself two things:
  • is there actually something wrong with this person? (besides what Web MD told you about their psychological state)
  • or, am I making excuses so that I don't have to put in the work to develop a successful relationship?

... give it some time, energy, and enjoy the good. You never know... they just may be


and in the Beginning...

This blog has been a long time thought in my head and while it is now real and just in its beginning stages my hope is that it will continue to grow as I do: a working document of my journey, experience, and joy. 

As a young adult, full-time employee, partner, and dog mom life can get pretty stressful but is also absolutely wonderful. In the past eight months I have gone from Connecticut to Chicago, California to Dominican Republic, Kansas City to Las Vegas and I am looking forward to the next stop. This blog is a celebration of all the places I have been and the places I will be going; for all of the wonderful things, people, and hobbies that energize me and bring me joy.  

Here's to the continuation of my ebullient life... and to hoping you have one as well.